Good Morning Lovelies, 

Taking a big step last week, I decided to mark my birthday in a huge way. Filled with anxiety and nerves, I wanted to make my 26th Birthday on the 14th July a big one. Beating my anorexia wise anyway. However, up until the last moment, I wasn’t sure if I could do it or not. But I won. And it was a sweet victory. 

Back when I was in hospital, I managed to enjoy apple crumble again. Yet, it was never as good as I remember my mum’s being. She is the ultimate apple and rhubarb crumble maker. In fact, even though she hates cooking, she is fabulous at it. If I do say so myself. 

There so, I made it my mission this week to enjoy her apple crumble on my birthday instead of a cake. Seeing as I was never a big fan of birthday cake anyway. For me, it was always about the classic fruit cake at Christmas, which is my next challenge. More on that later in the year. 

After spending some time researching ways she could help me make the meal more comfortable, she adapted the topping to be a mixture of Sweet Freedom Light Syrup, which is delicious and Mornflake oats. Together, when cooked, this became a bit like a gooey granola and was really nice. She then used cooking apples to make the apple mixture. 

Having chosen to have her leek and potato soup, unmeasured for dinner, which was also a big win for me. She heated up the pudding and scooped up a big portion with ice cream for herself, before I took a big, unmeasured again, scoop for myself too. With both meals being unmeasured or weighed, this was a huge win and to be able to sit with my mum at the table and enjoy them was another. 

I won’t lie. I was terrified. Having the bowl in front of me, full of her apple crumble, scared me to death. But upon the first spoonful I could remember and taste why I had chosen it. There was nothing wrong with it. It was actually supplying my body with fantastic nutrients, from the apple and oats. It was also a beautiful blend of winning. 

While the voice made me worry. The anxiety was there. Anorexia wanted to take over. I didn’t let it. I won and I won twice. Seeing my mum so proud was the best present I could have asked for. I will never ever forget it. The only thing that could have made it better was having my dad there to enjoy it with us.

For many, this step will seem small. It will seem silly. It isn’t though. If you're going through this illness, then I completely understand how something like this is one of the biggest things in the world. Every small step is one leading to a bigger goal. I have already asked my mum to help me this week with another. I am already terrified. But we will do it. If I can’t this week then I will try not to worry. There are new days coming in which I can try again to achieve it.

Just remember that lovelies. There is always another day coming! 

Joey X