Good Afternoon Lovelies,

How are you doing? No really how are you doing? When was the last time someone asked you this lovelies? I hope that you get asked every day and that the person who asks is truly the best of listeners. Today marks the end of National Mental Health Awareness Week and to mark it I wanted to ask you how you are and to share a little follow up on how everything is going since we last spoke about my eating disorder and anxiety.

Daily it is a struggle. I can see the way that my family sometimes doesn’t ask me questions about it. I have had people talk about my condition with me still sat in the room, even though they act like I am not. I have had people tell me that I should just, “eat lots of cake,” and I have had many employers ask me questions that in no way should be asked or said in the way that they have.

However, with every struggle, I have tried to rise above it. I attend weekly sessions with an amazing therapist, who has listened to everything I have had to say, made the changes I needed and supported me. My doctor continues to help me as much as possible and makes sure that the CBT and diet advice I am getting is helpful. Speaking of which, my dietician is an absolute babe and I don’t know what I would do without her.

Family wise I understand it is hard. They saw me before my illness, and they are seeing me now. My mum is my absolute rock. She admits she doesn’t understand it all, but she tries. She tells me things honestly and she makes me open up when I get home. My dad does his best but sometimes he says the wrong things and it feels like a kick in the teeth. Right now, in fact, he is in a bad mood and is being unhelpful with me going to an appointment in an hour’s time. My brothers try, but also, I know that because they are not here all the time, they don’t get it fully.

I’m progressing slowly and I will put my hands up and say I have had lots of setbacks. Losing my job last year has had more of an impact than I thought. Since January I have had three jobs, one in which made me wait a long time for a health meeting that they didn’t fully take on board. Another which didn’t suit my needs and the one I currently have is messing me around in that I haven’t heard from my manager on whether he wants me to work for them still in nearly a week. These stressful moments do tend to make me lose weight and it is heart-breaking to witness when I am trying so hard to get my head around the need to gain it.

But as I said I am getting there in small ways. I am trying foods again that scare the hell out of me. Pasta, dried fruits, different vegetables, mixing meals up a bit and trying new ways to cook it all. I have been baking again for my family and experimenting in the kitchen, and whilst it isn’t for me, it is a good way of getting used to foods again. Something my therapist and dietician have praised me for.

I am reading again. I am writing more. I am being more inspired to meet new people and to go out. I am thinking of starting my own business if the job doesn’t work out. Mostly I am keeping my head up high. Going to therapy isn’t something I like. I don’t like looking at the mirror or hearing people tell me they can see my bones or that I have lost my muscles. I don’t like having to cut back my working hours because of the little annoying voice in my head. I don’t like spending hours exercising or standing on scales.

But I am looking forward to the future because I know that by speaking out, I am not only helping myself but my future. These things will one day not be a battle but the fight I won. I just need to remember that slow and steady wins the race. I’m like the Avengers, the build-up all leads to something epic. The Endgame and I’m Captain America. 

If you are reading this and need some support, I urge you to go to your local support group or GP and ask for it. Do not suffer in silence my lovelies, because your voice is important. No matter whether the issue is big or small – it matters! Even if you want to DM me on social media or leave a comment below, I will always reply, because I want you to be able to express your mental health issues and to get the love and care you need.

Though today marks the end of National Mental Health AwarenessWeek, it is not the end of speaking out and I want you to know that I am here to help. I may be battling something, but it has inspired me to help others so much. I want to be there for all of you and I want to help you with your recovery if I can. So, please after reading this or even during reach out for help or speak to those around you who may need it and get it lovelies. I am going to leave this post here with one message. You are loved, cherished, important and supported always!