On the day that I am writing this, I have just had a comment made to me that I can’t stomach. It was regarding my face. The woman in the shop turned to me and said I looked different. That my face had filled out a little bit. Instantly, the anorexic voice kicked in. It was telling me to starve myself. To not eat anymore. To take back the porridge oats I had just brought. To go and find a way I can work out. 

My mum went red and told her it wasn’t the best thing to say. Something I respected. Yet, as I stood in tears in the shop car park. I felt anger. Sadness. Pain. Whilst mum tried to help, it wasn’t enough. The voice had kicked in and it wasn’t going anywhere. As we wandered around for the rest of the day, that was all my head kept repeating. Preparing our dinner together, I kept thinking of ways to cut items out. I even asked my mum if I had got a bigger face. A bigger body. Making her swear on my dad’s grave to tell me the truth. 

Asking these things shouldn’t even be a thing. They never would have been in the past. For me, I don’t often like talking about my condition too much. I would never comment on someone else's weight. I just wouldn’t. I don’t know their story, like they don’t know mine. Yet, this woman did and the anger from it was what hurt the most. 

She even asked me if it was the wrong thing to say. If you knew that it was or could be, why would you still say it? My head has latched onto this for life now. Looking in the mirror that day, we studied every little part of us. We couldn’t believe the denial my mum was saying, even though I trust her with my life. The damage was already done. 

So, I am asking you to think a little bit about what you say and to whom. It isn’t a telling off or anything like that. Just a gentle reminder that life is strange and how our mental health changes due to comments or statements is different in every single person. Don’t comment on weight. Don’t comment on things that make a person stand out, because it isn’t up to others on how they are. Just be kind and loving. Be a friend. 

I love you all, no matter what you look like, your size or even how you style your hair (mine is always in plaits by the way!). Whilst I try to work off the damage, I want you all to just remember that words can mean a lot, so think, think again and then think some more, before you say something that could hurt another. Spread love, not lousy statements. 

Joey X