Sometimes I just feel the need to scream. I want to run off into a field, a bit like Maria in The Sound of Music, and let it all out. Over the past few years, I have been through a lot. I left the hospital, witnessed the sad passing of my dad, had health issues and heard people talk about me, as if I am not there. 

And I am so sick of it all. I am sick of the things that drag people down. Since the pandemic, surely we should be keeping each other up. We should be praising those doing well, even if it is in something small. We should be making the world a better place after all the doom and gloom. Hearing about negative stuff, especially about myself really angers, upsets and frustrates me. All of which, caused me to write this post. An electronic scream if you will.

I know that I am ill. I know that my illness was made worse by my dad’s death and a broken jaw. I am working every DAMN day to get better though. So, please do not speak about doctors, hospitals, therapists and even me behind my back. Don’t make my anorexia and anxiety the first thing or the only thing you talk to me about. I am sick of it. Absolutely sick of it. 

How am I meant to get over my illness or feel normal again, when it is all anyone wants to ask or talk to me about at times? Honestly, I would rather talk about Kanye and Kim, Love Island, YouTubers, the wildest stuff in the world. I want to feel normal, so please don’t make me not appear or seem normal. I AM!

I am not part of a system. I am not a medical document. I am Joey Tamburello. I have worked and still am working hard to be better. I am fighting every damn day. Yes, I have bad days. But it doesn’t mean that I have a bad life. I am stronger mentally. I am getting stronger physically. I don’t want to hear about support or doctors. I have had enough and seen enough of them that I know when to go to them if I need them. 

What I really need is for people, even family members, to treat me like a normal person. I understand they are concerned. I understand that they love me and are looking out for me. I love them for it in fact, in many different ways. But just treat me like normal please. Like how I was before all this. Maybe then I can find easier ways to return to those days if people just did this. Instead of questioning, judging or talking about me as if I am not even there.

I am not going to go to a doctor, a hospital or a therapist, unless I really need it. I am proud that I have got to a place where I was able to be discharged from them all. I am fully able to decide and would definitely go back to them if I needed to. I can’t praise them enough for helping me get to this place and making me better in many ways. But, I don’t want to live with them anymore, if you get me? They don’t live in my home, so please don’t talk about them and invite them in like they are roommates. 

Sorry to rant and rave, but I just had to write this. I had to get it all off my chest if you will. I had to scream into the blogging void. I had to say how I felt and then I can hopefully let it rest. Especially, when today is a bit of a struggle. It is being able to write stuff like this that makes me feel a bit better. Please know that I love everyone around me. I love them for many reasons and for asking me this stuff out of concern. But for now, can we just talk like normal people, doing what normal people do please. Even the mad, crazy stuff. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel better. It is the perfect medicine if you will. 

Right, I am feeling better now. Who is for a gossip about Kate and Will’s then? 

Joey X