Christmas is the greatest time of the year to me, however, it also brings a huge sense of epic sadness. Today, marks the anniversary of the day we laid my dad to rest. Four years on, it hasn’t gotten easier, but I will never let my Pops’ love of the festive season go away. Find out why I will always do this here!

Good Morning Lovelies, 

Four years ago today, I sadly buried my dad. It is the most devastating day of the year, apart from the day he died, to me. It was a day where I felt like I lost a piece of my heart. However, I have regrown that missing segment with and love I will always hold for him. The memories I will always speak about. The beauty of the person he was. 

Don’t get me wrong, he had his faults too, however, overall my dad wanted to lead an easy life and please each and every one of us. If he loved you, you were instantly family to him. If he found you funny, you were the best comedian in the world. If you were my mum, you were the greatest person in the world, something I have to agree with him on. 

Over the years, even before he passed away, I have been told that I am so much like him. And in one way more than others. Our shared joy and love for Christmas is blood deep. My dad had no shame, like me, in watching Christmas films all year round, blasting festive songs in the car and buying outrageous decorations. All things that I am continuing on. 

Grief never goes away but it changes. You turn it into love. The sadness, the tears, the heartache, it’s all signs of the love you have for a person and how they were. Every December, I make sure that our home becomes the big grotto that my dad was proud of. Even the year he passed away, I knew we needed to decorate because he would have been devastated if we hadn’t. 

My favourite festive memories mostly all include my dad! Waking up and seeing him watching us all open our presents, getting excited with us as he saw our faces light up. Eating a whole king prawn ring every Christmas and getting angry if anyone else touched it. Watching him become the world’s strongest man, as we sat together at the Christmas dinner table eating shelled nuts off the bowl, which he had to crack. Singing festive songs, just the two of us, in a cold misted up car with the lights all around us. Watching It’s A Wonderful Life and embracing the beauty of it year after year. 

On the day of his funeral, the annual sleigh that passes by our village went right past our house. The Santa was a sign that my dad had got his wings that day, as he rung his bell hard right in front of us. If you don’t know what I mean then you need to see the film mentioned above to find out. Those bells were a sign to me that I now have my own angel looking over us and making sure that we are all okay. 

Christmas will forever be special to me because of that moment and the ones I shared with my dad before it. We were the twosome that loved this time of year the most in our family and I have vowed to always make it special because of that. As I light a candle and pour a glass of whiskey, I promise you Pops that Christmas will always shine bright, just like you would have wanted it too! I swear it on my heart! 

If you are going through something like this at the moment then please know that it is okay to feel how you are feeling. Speak up, speak out and let the emotions out. Don’t let anyone else tell you how you should feel or act. Just do what you need to do to keep going lovelies. I’m always here if you need to talk to someone, just leave your comments below and I will get back to you. Christmas can be a hard time for many as it is but just know that the sparkle will return to it lovelies, just listen out for the bells! 

Joey X