Working is something that I’ve always loved doing! However, as my health has deteriorated, I’ve found that I’ve been unable to do so. And that’s okay! Having been called a waste in the past for taking time off, a recent experience made me realise that I am not. I am actually working on something else. My health! Find out why that’s important here!

Good Morning Lovelies, 

For the last four years, I haven’t been able to work, due to my health. I’ve struggled with this fact a lot. Especially when a family member I thought I was close to called me a, “waste,” as I had been made redundant from my last job, been in hospital and then according to them had an eating disorder because I wanted it. 

Honestly, if I could go back in time and stop it from occurring or try and get help sooner, instead of listening to those who didn’t help me, then I would. However, life hasn’t worked out that way for me. I’m still in therapy now and struggle each and everyday with my ED, anxiety and autism. 

The way that they impact me means I get stressed out easily when pressure is applied, leading to relapses within my condition. Something I can’t afford, health wise, to happen. Yet, I still feel this overwhelming amount of guilt for not working. 

Recently, I had a job interview. I had posted that I was looking for some part time remote work to help ease me back into a role. The interview was held on the phone and instantly something felt off. They didn’t explain the business at me. They asked me how much money I wanted right at the start before bombarding me with an endless list of jobs. Some of which I never said I would do. The work would have been solely down to me, with no help from them or anyone else. 

I could feel throughout the call my chest tightening. My lungs felt blocked. A panic attack was building. Tears came to my eyes. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a job but mentally I was not able to handle that much pressure. After asking me to leave it with them to decide, I turned to my nearest and dearest, who advised me not to do it. I wrote to the team to explain and they never replied. I felt in someways that my health had helped me in a little way. 

The experience made me realise that I shouldn’t be pressuring myself to find a job just because of the comments made by one person. I should not be trying too hard to be better before I am. When I’m ready, I will know. When the right role comes along I will know. My mental health and physical well-being are the most important thing right now. 

I’m writing this to let you all know that it is okay to not work if you can’t. If your health or wellbeing is being affected that take the break. Help is always on hand. My therapists have told me that I need to listen to my body and mind before being influenced by others. 

I’m not a waste. I didn’t want this illness. I want to work. I know I will again one day. For now though, I need to get back to a better state. If you do too that is fine! Remember what will be will be and everything will fall into place! You are working on your health and that is just as important! 

Joey X