During the autumn months, I find it is the perfect time to simply pause. Sometimes, with the rush of the summer holidays and back to school themes that come at this time of year, it seems like everything is going at one hundred miles per hour. But it doesn’t have to be that way. 

About a month ago, I found myself getting really anxious. It was causing me to do and feel things I didn’t want to feel, mentally and physically. I decided a change needed to happen. Therefore, when I was on a walk with my mum, I told her I had to pause on all the changes. 

In the past year, we have both been faced with a lot. My brother moved back in, we sadly had a number of deaths in the family, holidays happened and then stress occurred upon coming home, work changed, health matters were raised and it was a lot. Plus, with my anorexia and anxiety disorder, I just felt like I was going to have a breakdown. 

Pausing doesn’t mean failure. In fact, choosing to take a moment and to focus on your health is brilliant. Rest is vital. Physically and mentally. Often, at around 8 or 8:30pm each night, I will go upstairs and just spend time on my own. Listening to podcasts. Reading. Scrolling on websites that calm me down or watching something that brings me joy. Christmas videos are a good choice at the moment. Even sleeping. 

I used to hate the idea of it. My anorexia told me that I was lazy and I would stay up until 10pm, which was when I was allowed to go to bed in hospital, because that was when it allowed me to see it was okay. Yet, I have changed that now. I don’t follow the hospital rules and if I want to go and lay on my bed, then I will. 

Rolling into the middle of November, when the months get colder, I am here to say, STOP. PAUSE. RELAX. Do what you want to do and don’t worry about others. If you want to eat cereal for dinner, do it! If you want to spend all day in bed, do it! If you want to put on your coat and go for a walk listening to a podcast, do it! Do what makes you happy and embrace it. Hibernate if you would like to lovely. I know my mum would probably like to! 

Whatever brings a smile to your face, accept it lovely and be happy. Sometimes it takes just one moment and it can bring a whole host of differences. Life is too short as it is, so don’t go racing ahead if you don’t have to. Like a VHS, simply hit pause and allow it to stop for a bit. You will be so happy that you did. 

Joey X