Good Morning Lovelies,

Recently, I started therapy again and at the end of my first session the therapist asked me what I want to do in the future? What did I want the sessions to help me to achieve? What was my goal at the end of it all? When she asked me this, I had to stop for a moment. I had to actually hold back some tears. 

For a long time, no one has asked me what I want in the future. I have spent most of my 20s fighting to get better, looking after others and not really living a life that most people my life will have been. I didn’t do the fun things, like the big girls trips or settling down and having a family. I simply survived. 

Yet, something has happened to me since I turned 30. I no longer want to live in the shadow of my illnesses. I don’t want to live in fear of bumping into people who have done me wrong. I don’t want to be so alone in life anymore. I want to be out there, seeing the world. Enjoying myself more. Being free in many ways from the demons within me and around me. 

I know I have many mental health conditions, which have also made me afraid to live a full life. Though, I hope that from therapy that can change. So, when I really thought about an answer to her question, I tried to really look into the future. 

As someone who doesn’t want kids and isn’t bothered at all about getting married, when I finally replied, I told her that I want to explore more of the world. I want to go travelling. I want to go to Dublin and really embrace my favourite place on earth. I want to roam and wonder and see the sights. All without the fear that I will get sick, have a panic attack or not be able to really get to grips with the new environment I am in. 

I want to be free of the fear that comes from never knowing what the people around me think of me. Of the people who are making conclusions from the lies and the mistruths that they are seeing on social media or from the mouths of people who are hiding their own sins to look good. 

Ultimately, I want to live a happy and carefree life. Something I know I will never fully achieve, due to my health, but I will work damn hard at getting there as much as I can. I can’t see my future but I can aim and fire my way to getting what I want. I will try to book that random trip. I will go to new places. I will walk the cobbled lanes of Dublin and not fear what is around the corner. I will be me and not something that people expect me to be. I will be free. 

The future is a really scary thing to think about but it is oddly always going to happen. We can’t predict what is around every corner but we can plant the seeds or lay the road to a better one. Tonight, tomorrow or sometime soon lovelies, take a moment and really think about your own future. 

What do you, and I mean YOU, want from it? Write, say it out loud and even shout it from the rooftops, because you deserve to achieve your goals! We can do it lovelies! We can really change the future, one step at a time! 

Joey X