After months of battling many chronic health problems, I’ve decided that the pain they cause is not going to threaten my life anymore. I will continue to battle them but in my own way that doesn’t cause me to fear literally loosing my life over. Find out why I decided to make that choice and how I truly feel about it right here!

Good Morning Lovelies,

Today has been an emotional battle for both myself and my mum. After months of pain, suffering and illness, my consultant gave me three options. Do nothing, try another medicine or surgery. At first I said surgery. However, upon discussing it, my body and the evil ED I battle every fucking day, might not make it through due to the anaesthetic. With pre-assessments needed and possible chances that they still couldn’t do it, I left with a choice to make. 

Speaking to my therapist afterwards, she came back to me with something we discussed a while ago. Burnout. All those months back, I had dismissed it. Surely my head couldn’t cause that many issues. Yet, as we spoke again tonight, after a deep conversation with my mum, I realised that it might be that. The flair ups come when I am extremely stressed. They started when I first started coughing up blood months ago. When I was living on two hours sleep a night. Only having three drinks a day because that is what my head told me I could have. 

After having lung surgery months ago, I’ve learned that I am living with an infection that only 15 people in the world suffer from. 15. It’s so rare that we still don’t know how to treat it or what medicine I should take to try and cure it. Again leading to major stress. All leading to panic attacks and major problems in terms of brain fog. With a confirmed diagnosis of autism too and major panic disorder, it all lead to me having what my therapist believes was a full on mental burnout. 

Of course, the symptoms of sinusitis were real and I do live with a chronic case of it. However, since managing the stress a bit better, it has got a bit better too. Plus, getting more sleep, hydrating better and being able to go on daily walks is definitely helping as well. Burnout is truly terrifying and I can now see that when everything gets tough my head gives in. Something I will learn to deal with. 

Coming home, I decided that I wasn’t going to have the surgery in the end. It’s been an ordeal and I’m still battling through it, however, I know what to do if it gets bad and my GPs and mum are fantastic at helping me. There so, I’ve decided instead to live. To get my lungs sorted. To enjoy the decade that is nearly upon me. To embrace what is to come. And to love my nose, just as it is! 

Joey X